In the past few months, it has sometimes felt like life is on hold – waiting for the opportunity for Tim and I to make the big break from suburbia into full-time life up on Berry Mountain.
We are waiting for him to retire, for us to win the lottery, or some miracle to descend upon us to make the conditions if not perfect, at least feasible for us to pack up and go.
While I consider myself a patient person and am more than willing to learn the lessons that come in this time of betweeness, even my patience has gotten a little ragged around the edges. I find myself suddenly realizing that days have past without any real movement towards our goal. I find that I may have puttered away weeks with non-useful activities, or even worse: self-destructive ones.
At this point in my life, I understand that there is value in these times of waiting. It is a pause before the next breathless exclamation of change. It is the long slow chug to the top of the rollercoaster descent into hyper-activity. What I can be doing – what I should be doing during this time is to assess who and where we are. Where are we physically? Where are we mentally? Where are we financially and where are we spiritually?
We can both take our physical health more seriously. Mentally we are both On The Mountain 22 hours a day and our plans develop over time and with each conversation. We are secure financially for our continued lifestyle here in the suburbs, but growing the large cache of capital it would require to build our home and our homestead is slow going. Spiritually, I can feel the need to spend more time in my zazen practice – learning to sit. be still.
There is an art form to waiting well.
It is time to practice.